Are you or have you ever been in a relationship with an addict, My Darling? I have.
I would have never chosen to date an addict, and I didn’t even realize it at first. He hid it very well. Once I discovered the truth, it was too late for my heart. I already had feelings for him.
It’s a tough road to follow. I remember what it’s like to beg and plead for them to stop ~ to make a change ~ FINALLY ~ for the better.
I know what it’s like to be disappointed ~ again and again ~ when they try to “do the right thing” and fail.
So it is with breakups and addiction. Whether you’re married to or dating an addict, there is an extra element of pain added to the end of the relationship.
Sometimes, you just want to physically shake them and say, “Why are you throwing your life away?”
If you don’t give an ultimatum, you can become trapped in a place of cautious hope for weeks, months ~ even years.
You hope they’re going to really kick it this time. They said all the right things. They really seemed sincere this time.
Only they weren’t…again.
So you find yourself at the end of the relationship, for whatever reason, and what do you do?
This is what I did:
1. Stopped blaming myself. Yes, I could have done some things differently. Would it have made a real difference? If I was honest with myself ~ the answer is a big fat NO. In reality, I had no control over this person and their behavior. I tried to help. I failed.
There came a time when I gave myself credit for trying to find solutions to his problem. I knew that I had exhausted all the opportunities I could think of to help him change. That gave me peace.
2. Let myself feel relief of stress. If you’ve ever been in a relationship with an addict, there’s typically a certain level of just daily, underneath-it-all stress.
You don’t even realize it until it’s not there anymore. I started to feel a bit lighter and happier right away. I relished that sense of relief. I relaxed more. It felt good.
3. Put the responsibility where it belonged. At first, I found myself looking back at our relationship and seeing him through rose-colored glasses ~ well, he wasn’t THAT bad. He had a job. He wasn’t abusive in any way. He paid his bills.
But at the end of the day, he made choices about his life that were completely his. It helped me to stand back and give him the responsibility of those choices rather than making it the “addiction’s” responsibility.
Making it the addiction’s responsibility, I could give his behavior every excuse in the book. Doing that didn’t help me or him.
4. Chose what I would tolerate. I realized I was too good for false promises. I had this whole wonderful life ahead of me. I knew if I stayed with him that I would become stagnant too. That wasn’t what I wanted for me.
He made the choice to remain the same. I made the choice to grow and thrive.
5. Forgave him. I know what you’re thinking ~ are you nuts, Laura? Forgive him? But I did it. It was wonderful gift of freedom that I gave myself ~ and ultimately him. I smile now thinking about it. If it feels impossible, click here to read my blog on forgiveness. It’s a beautiful thing.
Ladies, this is a very delicate subject. Everyone that’s been involved with an addict has a different story but I think we all share the same pain.
I know and understand from my experience that you CAN come out on the other side stronger than you ever thought. I believe in you!
First of all ~ yes ~ I did get a haircut! (If you’ve watched my videos in the past, you know it’s a BIG change.)
Click on the image above to watch and learn the best ways to bring out your inner and outer beauty.
After all, you’re the only one that can give yourself that gift.
If there’s a button here, it means that there’s still opportunities available to schedule your complimentary 20-Minute Breakthrough to Groovy call!
It happens. It’s your first holiday with your newly “single” status. You may be feeling a bit sad. You might even think ~ why bother? OR you could be pissed that all your plans have changed. Holidays and breakups can be a bummer.
However, they don’t have to be, Ms. Amazing! What if you made a choice to have a fabulous first holiday with your bad self? It can be easier than you think if you keep a few things in mind and plan ahead.
Here are a few tips for surviving with sass!
1. Plan your day. This is of the utmost importance. Why? If we don’t have a schedule to look forward to, it’s easier to go down the path to a pity party for one. You’re way too spectacular for an ugly cry on a national holiday so make a plan and stick to it. Maybe you’ll have coffee with a friend in the morning or take a brisk walk. In the afternoon, you could catch that movie you’ve had your eye on or your pal’s picnic. The evening (especially on July 4th) could be spent watching fireworks or treating yourself to a great meal and a “spa night” for one. There are loads of options and people WANT to include you so let them. Choose whatever will fill your cup and put it on the calendar and mean it.
2. Begin new rituals. Yes, you may have a standing annual picnic/party at your ex-in-laws’ house each year complete with HIS entire family. It was fun. You could depend on it and you did it EVERY year. Guess what, Sassy? It’s time to make some new rituals for yourself. You’re on a new and different journey now. You have the power to create new and wonderful memories. Isn’t that awesome? Go forward in the direction that feels right.
3. Have some frickin’ fun! This is a HOLIDAY. Holidays usually have a little something called c-e-l-e-b-r-a-t-i-o-n attached to them. Moping is not allowed. So what are you waiting for, Gorgeous? Celebrate! Whoop it up! It’s okay to laugh ~ even if you’re a little down about the end of a relationship. Focus on fun and guess what? You’ll have more FUN! Love that!
4. Be grateful. If you take a moment to look around at your life right now, you will undoubtedly find people/things to be grateful for. After your holiday is over, it’s a great little exercise to replay the day in your head, right before you go to sleep, and think of all the things that went right and that brought you joy and that you’re thankful for. Trust me, there will be a sweet smile on your beautiful face as you do this.
5. Be proud of yourself. Yep, give yourself a pat on the back. You are stronger than you know. You got this. As Mae West once said,”I never loved another person the way I loved myself.” Give yourself some gentle reassurance that you will get through this difficult time in your life and you’ll do it with courage and determination to make your new life the best it can be.
I believe in you, Sweet Pea! Happy Holidays!