Sometimes, there are points in life where we find out who are real friends are. A divorce or breakup is typically one of those times. Why does this happen and what can we do about it?
Firstly, let’s paint a picture of life pre-divorce or breakup. You have your buds ~ your girls. They may be friends from grade school, high school, college ~ someone from the old ‘hood ~ a work friend you’ve had for years ~ a wife or girlfriend of one of your ex’s friends ~ moms of your kids’ friends ~ a sister, cousin, neighbor, etc. All these various women who came into your life under varied circumstances. The one common thread here is: You think they have your back through thick and thin. You’ve shared LIFE with them, after all. You’ve laughed over margaritas or a school play. You’ve commiserated when you’ve had the flu or bought the wrong lipstick color ~ again. You have that fuzzy feeling that they’ll always be there until ~ you don’t.
Yep, it kinda sucks. Once you break the news that you’re no longer in a relationship, people react differently. Some rally to your side. Some can’t or won’t.
It may start as an odd intuition that says, “Hmmm. I called her three days ago and she hasn’t returned my call. That’s weird.” Maybe it’s, “Is it my imagination or did so-and-so just abruptly dart down a different hallway to avoid me?” At first, you dismiss it. “Oh, she must be really busy.” Then it happens again…and again.
You get a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. Really? She’s going to abandon me NOW of all times?
“Stay is a charming word in a friend’s vocabulary,” says Amos Bronson Alcott. What should you do when a friend doesn’t “stay”?
1. Remember that it’s about THEM ~ not YOU. For whatever reason, for some it is difficult to watch others go through an intense life-changing situation. They may fear it’s somehow contagious and will happen to them to if they get too close to you. Watching people in pain may be too much ~ they can’t deal with it. They’re at a loss for words. They can’t fix it and it makes them uncomfortable. They feel they have to choose sides and guess what? You lost.
2. Choose compassion. It’s easy to go down the path of hurtful grudge holding. After all, you’re going through this hell and they deserted you, right? Holding on to the negative feelings just adds more fuel to the fire. You’re already feeling bad about the breakup. Now you get to feel bad about your friend too. Why not release yourself and them? Gently acknowledge that you may never know what happened and that’s okay.
3. Focus on the awesome people that are still there. Allow yourself to enjoy their companionship and love for you. Be grateful for their presence. Say a silent “Hooray!” ~ she’s fabulous and I KNOW she loves me!
Yes, it’s true that you may emerge from a divorce or breakup with fewer friends. In fact, I’d say it’s inevitable. However, trust that the friends you hang on to are the real deal. They aren’t going anywhere. BFFs Forever, right?
Shine On, Sister!
Starting out the new year with a positive attitude is super important, Dearie! Please watch the video above and I’ll lead you through the quick and easy 3-step process of choosing your annual theme word.
It’s totally fun and doable and you deserve the best this year! Do it for you!