It sounds kind of hard at first, doesn’t it? I mean who wants to be grateful during a breakup? How DO you get over a divorce breakup and be appreciative all at the same time? It can be done. It will brighten your day and you deserve a brighter day, right, Dearie?
Here’s a few easy steps to take:
1. Be thankful that you’re no longer in the relationship. You might be thinking ~ What? My heart is broken. I’m NOT thankful for that. You’re crazy! I get it. However, if you think about it for a moment, even if you miss him, there are definitely things about him and maybe some of his annoying habits that you’re grateful you won’t ever have to endure again. Piles of dirty clothes on the bedroom floor? Never again. Chewing with his mouth open? Huh-uh. Never again. Whatever it happens to be, there ARE some things that you WON’T miss.
2. Be thankful for something you’ve learned from the relationship. Maybe you’ve learned that you’re a lot stronger than you thought you were. Maybe you’ve learned that you want to be with someone with certain personality traits that your ex didn’t have. Is there a new hobby you’d like to try? If you look back at the relationship as only a waste of your time, then you’re missing out on the valuable life lessons it has to offer. If what you take from the end of a relationship helps your future, then you didn’t waste a single second of your life.
3. Be thankful for the loving people around you. Typically, we’ve all got a cheering section during a breakup. Sometimes, it’s a few friends that have been with you through thick and thin. Other times, you’ve got a great family connection with lots of support. If you’re lucky, it’s both. Take a moment to think of these awesome people and feel gratitude for their presence in your life. After all, isn’t life a whole lot more fun with them in it?
4. Be thankful for all the “things” you have around you. This step is pretty cool if you allow it to be unlimited. This means you can be thankful for everything from your comfy warm bed to the new boots you just bought that you love to the pretty little bird outside your window that stops by for just a second. Look around for a minute, find things to be grateful for and improve your mood. It’s that simple!
5. Be thankful for your kick-butt self! Yes ~ YOU! Come on…admit it…you’re pretty special. You rock. You’ve got a stunning future ahead of you. You are powerful. We all know you’re beautiful. Take a moment to be grateful for YOU. If you get a chance to peek in the mirror, do some mirror work. Gaze into your eyes and tell yourself ~ I love you! What’s your best feature? Admire it. Own it. Work it! You, my friend, are splendid!
Traci Vincent, a yoga instructor/blogger, writes about appreciation, “These small pulses of gratitude and thankfulness start my day off in a positive direction. The more I’ve practiced this throughout the day when I think about it, the more “muscle” I’ve built in my positive mind. This has thereby increased my reserve of positive emotions and helped me become more resistant to negative emotions.”
Having a thankful heart while getting over a breakup is a perfect way to take stock of all the good in your life. Sometimes, it’s easy to overlook this good when heartbreak takes over. This Thanksgiving, set aside some time to revel in appreciation!
I am grateful that you have taken the time to read this blog post. It is truly a blessing to be able to pass on information and knowledge that I have discovered along my journey. Happy Thanksgiving and many blessings to you and your loved ones.
Do you take any time out of the day for you?
How do you get refreshed and renewed?
If the answers to the above questions are “Kinda” and “I don’t know,” then would you like to add some more into your life? Let’s do it!
You can get started RIGHT NOW! You could even do it EVERY DAY! It’s easy and doesn’t take much time and it feels awesome!
1. Plan it. Sometimes, life is so busy and chaotic that you really need to make an appointment with yourself FOR yourself. Whatever you use for your time management system, each morning, decide WHEN you’re going to take some time out of your day for you. Notice I didn’t use the word “if” there ~ it’s nonnegotiable and it feels good to write it in and stick with it. Also, in my case, I know that I like to take an overnight trip alone about once every three months. I look forward to it. I plan for it and it’s amazing.
2. Make a list of go-to activities for this special time. What makes you feel good? It’s as easy as that. Is it grabbing a frou-frou coffee drink or meditating or getting outdoors or journaling or doing a quick 15-minute yoga session? If you take a minute right now and jot down a few activities that aren’t very time consuming but that you really enjoy, you’ve got options for your time. Now, no matter where you are in your day or what kind of day you’ve had, you know that you’ve got some “smile” time planned.
3. Allow yourself to be truly present for your time. We’ve all got busy lives. We’re typically brilliant multi-taskers. However, this is about quieting yourself to focus on what you’re doing and how it makes you feel. You may need to take a minute or two just to do some deep breathing exercises first to begin to relax and let yourself enjoy your time. You’ll get the most out of it if you let yourself relish it and just “be” in that moment.
It’s a true gift to you ~ taking time out of your day, week or month to refuel your soul. You deserve it. Let yourself enjoy it.
Sometimes, we walk down the “I should be doing this or that” path. We feel guilty for taking time for ourselves. I’m telling you right now that when I take care of me ~ I’m a better me ~ first of all ~ but I’m also a happier wife, a more patient mom & stepmom and I feel lighter and more energetic all around. Taking care of you is truly a gift not only to yourself but to those around you too.
So why not try it? Make an appointment with yourself today or tomorrow for some extra you time! You won’t regret it, Gorgeous!
What does self-reliance during a breakup mean?
Why do the words “self” and “reliance” seem difficult to swallow right now?
Probably because the idea of turning inward for solace rather than outward seems nearly unbearable, right? It feels good to talk it over with someone that cares about you; doesn’t it? I hate to admit this but I know that I was a big pain-in-the-you-know-where to some of my friends and family members when I would go through a breakup. I didn’t mean to be. I didn’t “want” to be. It just so happened that I was. Sometimes, do you wish you could rely a little bit more on yourself than others? It can come in handy, say, in the middle of the night when you’re feeling really sad. Or when the radio plays “your song.” Actually, I’m sure that there are many opportunities during the course of any given day where helping yourself through the breakup would feel really good. Also, last time I checked, YOU are available at all times.
So what does that look like? How does it feel? Let’s dive in and find out.
1. Talk yourself through it. If you’re alone, I suggest doing this out loud. If people nearby are going to think you’re a nut case, by all means have the conversation internally or in a journal or piece of paper. You can ask yourself questions like:
- What could I do right this very moment to make myself feel better?
- In the BIG picture, how important is this? Be honest! I know that I “occasionally” made an earth-shattering occurrence out of something really quite frivolous. It’s hard to admit that now…so I’ll move on.
- Does this really deserve my energy right now? Is it something I need to address immediately? If it’s not (which it probably isn’t), then make a choice to turn your all-important attention elsewhere.
2. Slowly start to limit your calls/emails to others. I understand this can be difficult at first. It’s okay to take baby steps. I am in no way implying that you shouldn’t have conversations with supportive people in your life. You absolutely should. However, if you’re contacting a few treasured folks multiple times a day perhaps try to shave off one call during that day. That’s it. Pretty easy, right? As you begin to feel more mighty, you can pare the contact down as you see fit. It boosts your confidence as I explain below.
3. Choose an activity that refocuses your attention. At some point, make a list of things you like to do. You could make two lists ~ one for work and one for home. It ought to be something really simple and easy to do but fun just the same ~ something that makes you smile and feels good. Maybe it’s playing a game with your kids or giving yourself a manicure or reading your favorite book. Then when you’re struggling, you whip out your list, wherever you happen to be and choose one of the ideas on your list to do right NOW…and then do it.
So…what are some of the benefits of self-reliance?
First of all, if you rely more on YOU, you get to rely less on others. Sometimes, I felt like I could actually hear my friend’s eyes rolling as we chatted about my saga for the THIRD time that day. It wasn’t her fault at all. I would call her at the drop of a hat…whenever I had an emotion to share…or another reason why he was a cad…or whatever minute detail occurred to me about him as I went through the day. Then I’d hash it out with her…and rehash it…and then rehash the topics of our first two calls that day. Gees, no wonder she was rolling her eyes! Just thinking about it now makes me roll mine. Do you have a friend or sister/mother/aunt like this? They’re your go-to person. If they’re not accessible at the very moment you need them, you fret until they call you back. Or you move on to no. 2 on your list of buddies and so on and so on and so on. If you don’t mind me saying, this is a pretty sucky cycle. Wouldn’t it feel better if YOU felt your emotions and then comforted yourself through them?
Secondly, you may be surprised by a new confidence that starts creeping up inside you. It feels good to triumph through some momentary anguish, come out on top and give yourself a high 5 for doing it alone. Yep. Just you. You can do it. Each time, you’ll feel a little stronger and stronger and stronger. It’s a beautiful thing. No one can take it from you, either. You earned it and you get to keep it, Gorgeous!
Relying on YOU during a breakup is a way to be gentle and loving towards yourself. It means that no matter what happens during your day ~ you KNOW that you can and will maintain your sassiness ~ no question about it!