When coping with divorce or the breakup of a relationship, it’s often easy to overlook the good stuff. After all, life as you knew it is changing ~ and sometimes it’s a DRAMATIC change. But…does that mean there’s NOTHING good going on?
I’d like to introduce you to a little exercise called an Appreciation Avalanche. I first heard about this from a friend of mine, Sharon. She likes to do it every morning. Wow! What a great way to start your day.
It’s super easy and there’s just one step.
1. Think of all the things in life you have to be thankful for and say it loud and proud.
You can do this any time of day or night. Stand up. Look around you and start there. Maybe you’re grateful for the cup of coffee you have in front of you. Maybe you’re thankful for your health. Maybe you took a memorable trip somewhere that you loved. The list can be endless ~ if you really think about it.
Just let your mind go. I believe you’ll find that there are SO MANY positive people/pets/things/memories in your life to acknowledge.
Just go there! There’s no right or wrong way. No time limit. You can do it for ten seconds or ten minutes.
The key is to really get into it. DECLARE your gratitude for all that you have! Smile! Laugh! Clap! Woo Hoo!
If you’re at work or somewhere that you can’t boisterously proclaim your gratitude, then you can always have a “party in your head” and just do it quietly and silently. The results are the same.
YOU FEEL GOOD! YAY YOU!
You want to try it right now, don’t you? Well, go right ahead! Let’s do this!
Bring on the Appreciation Avalanche!
Okay. Here’s the deal…you miss him. I mean you REALLY miss him. Let me say it one more time – You REALLY SUPER DUPER BEYOND BELIEF MISS HIM! I understand. I’ve been there too. I’ve also made a bloody fool of myself in the midst of a breakup. That’s why I’m writing now. I want to save YOU from making the same mistakes.
So, without further ado, here is a list of things you shouldn’t do during a breakup in no particular order:
1. Drunk dial him at 2 a.m. or sober dial him at 4 p.m. The timing makes no difference. He can see right through this. He knows what you’re doing and you’ll feel like a fool afterwards. Really…you will. It seems like a gem of an idea after a couple margaritas with the girls. You get home. You’re feeling lonely. You imagine him feeling lonely too. He might need to hear your voice to comfort him through this time, right? WRONG!
2. Make up an emergency just to talk to him. So you twisted your ankle playing volleyball. Or maybe you won an award at work. Or maybe your dog vomited. Or maybe you’re just hoping for a “good” reason to contact him. Is this information he really needs or wants to know? Honestly? Huh-uh. No, Ma’am. He’s no longer in your life so he doesn’t get to hear about everything that’s happening to you whether it’s good, bad or otherwise.
3. Beg. Really? You’re fabulous. Why would you beg a moron who doesn’t realize your fabulousity to stay with you? Makes no sense. It’s beneath you. Don’t do it.
4. “Accidentally” run into him. Yeah, we’ve all done it. You get that surprised look on your face and say, “I didn’t know you were going to be here!” Really? You so did. You knew he was going to be here and you planned it like this. The only thing you didn’t plan was the look on his face that says, “Oh, no. She’s here! Shit!” Not very fun. Not a good time. I know this destroys your vision of him looking at you, suddenly realizing what a dreadful mistake he made and taking you in his arms while simultaneously begging for forgiveness and booking you a trip to Bermuda. I wish I didn’t have to crush your dreams this way but…it’s highly unlikely that your dream will come true. Instead of planning a run in, why not spend the time getting a manicure or walking your cat? Both are better uses of your valuable and beautiful self!
5. Answer when HE calls at 2 a.m. or 4 p.m. for that matter. If you do, you will be providing what I call “breakup assistance” to him. This means that whenever he’s feeling a little lonely or reminiscing or regretting his decision – you’re always there for him to lean on. Effectively, you are helping him get over you. What? You want to HELP him get over you? Get over it. You deserve better. If he doesn’t want all of you, then he doesn’t get little bits and pieces here and there when it pleases him. If you give in, it will start happening less and less because…well, you’ve helped him get over you. Wouldn’t you rather help YOU get over HIM? Now that sounds better.
If you follow this list of don’ts — no matter how tough they seem — I promise that you’ll feel more confident about YOU and the choices YOU make! After all, you are FABULOUS!
Today, I’m answering a question from Lily. Seems she’s got a lot of HIM on her mind!
Thanks for all the awesome info on your site. I love it!
Here’s my issue: Even though, I’ve been divorced for nearly two years, I am plagued by thoughts about my ex like what’s he up to? Is he seeing anyone? Is he happier without me? I know I shouldn’t still be so interested in him but I can’t seem to help myself. Any suggestions?
First of all, thanks so much, Lily, for your kind words. I want to first tell you that your situation is very common after divorce. After all, my guess is that you put your heart and soul into your marriage and now that he’s no longer around, it’s perfectly natural to continue thinking about him. However, as I say in the video, if you’re thinking about him and he’s thinking about him, who’s thinking about you?
As you’ll see in the video, I’ve got three steps for you:
1. Notice. Pay attention to when you have these thougths.
2. Decide. Choose to have a new empowering thought about YOUR life and how great it is.
3. Allow. Reclaim that energy and relish that good feeling. Ahhhhh!
During the video, I give details about a contest for a FREE 30-minute mentoring session with me. It’s quick and easy to enter so click on the video to find out how!