Have you ever found yourself languishing at the end of a relationship? You know in your heart that it’s over. There’s no going back to “the way we were.” But now you’re stuck. How do you move forward INTO a divorce or breakup? What does that look like? What needs to happen?
I remember when I worked at a family law firm many years ago. The two busiest times of the year in family law are always September and January. Why? Because so many people are either trying to “just get through the summer” or “just get through the holidays” before ending their relationship. It’s usually these couples that have children too. In their mind, they don’t want to ruin summer vacation or Christmastime with a divorce or breakup. They’ll wait until the “fun” of the holidays is over before dropping the bomb. Does this sound familiar?
I have often been asked if I help people who know their marriage isn’t working and hasn’t been enjoyable for years but they don’t know how to get out of it. My answer is always no because it’s really a personal choice to end a relationship. However, I’m going to share my own story about being in that limbo space because I know how much it sucks.
You see, I wasn’t happy in my second marriage AT ALL. I found out about my ex-husband’s four-year-long affair about the time of our tenth anniversary. I was completely shocked. However, I didn’t want to break up our family so I really really tried to make it work. That task was made even more difficult by his attitude that it was “my problem” to get over it sooner rather than later. I was miserable with a capital M! I didn’t trust him and he did nothing to help me regain that trust. He still went out with his buddies to clubs on Friday nights and stayed out until 3 a.m. He lied to me about things. It was a big challenge to be in a relationship with him. Yet, each day went by. Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months ~ you get the picture. I would fantasize about a life without him and feel a mixture of fear and relief. Doubt was also in that picture. I doubted that I could make it all work (finances, family, work, security, etc. etc.) without him. I started to hope for a sign ~ a sign that I should end this relationship. Something concrete. Something definite.
I lived on for months. Waiting…waiting. But then it came ~ in a huge ball of freedom and pain. Two-plus years after finding out about the first affair, I found out about another one. Even though it was extremely painful, I HAD MY SIGN! That was a pivotal moment in my life. I decided that the pain of being in this relationship was greater than my fear of the unknown without it. I have never once looked back and thought, “Gee, did I make the right decision there?” I ABSOLUTELY know I did.
I didn’t realize how unhappy I was in that marriage until a few months into my new life. I began to feel a lightness about me. It felt so good to move toward that. I also recognized a tremendous hidden strength that I never knew I had inside me. I COULD make it through this challenging time and I DID!
So I write this post today to share with you an end ~ that was actually a fresh new beginning. Let’s hear it for starting over with sass!
Sometimes, we make poor choices that don’t honor ourselves. One of those choices can be giving away your power to be happy. Truth be told, we can choose to be happy any ol’ time we want. If we think our happiness is because of someone else ~ that can be a trap and a sad trap at that. Click on the video above to find out more!
Shine On, You Powerful Gorgeous Being!