My stepdaughter graduated from high school this month (that’s our family in the photo to the right). As I think about the exciting future that’s in store for her, I couldn’t help but think back to my own high school graduation. I wondered what I’d say to my 18-year-old self now that I’m 25 years removed from that point in my life. I had no idea that I’d be twice divorced and married three times. Whoa! I decided to write myself a letter because all those years ago I felt like I ruled the world. I knew it all. Wow, did life throw me some curve balls.
I invite you to contemplate what you’d say to your younger self about life. I share a portion of my letter below:
First of all, I want to tell you now loud and clear: EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY. You’re sort of a worrier, and you can doubt yourself quite bit. I’m here to tell you that no matter how big the obstacle or challenge in your life is – you will come out ahead. Why? Because you have a quiet strength buried inside you that you’re not even aware of right now. It will emerge at the exact time you need it. It will give you hope for the future. It will give you the courage to do what’s necessary to move forward even when you’re not sure you can.
You know what else? Trust your gut. It’s that little whisper inside you that sometimes becomes louder and louder. It will serve you well…every time.
Robert Frost once said, “The best way out is always through.” Yep, you don’t like taking the easy way, do you? Therefore, you’ll probably learn the hard way. However, notice I used the word “learn” in that sentence. I did that because you will take the opportunity to learn from your challenges ~ each and every time. That makes the experience worthwhile.
Also, have some frickin’ fun! You’re way too serious. Get out there and LIVE LIFE! Don’t be so careful. Be messy. Sleep late. Laugh like a crazy person. Make more friends. After all, I just promised you that it will all be okay so feel free to get out there and enjoy yourself, Girl!
By the way, you are and will remain pretty cool.
Can you tell that I’m speaking from a point of motherly energy towards myself? I’m being kind to me in this letter. I’m not harsh or critical. I’m loving and accepting. As I was living through some challenging situations, I was really, really hard on myself. Can you relate?
Writing this letter really served as a reminder to me that I AM strong. I do have a great intuition and that every day should have fun included in it. Why not take a few moments right now and think about what you’d like to say to you? Give yourself a pat on the back for the struggles that you’ve been through and the accomplishments you’ve made.
This makes me think about our self-talk. It’s very powerful. Do you ever blame or berate yourself during the day? In my next blog, I’m going to touch on this very important topic of self-love and self-talk. After all, it starts here…within ourselves.
Until then, my most Fabulous Doll ~ Shine On!
How do you choose to view your breakup or divorce? Are you at the point of barely surviving? Struggling with each day? Well, there comes a time – and yes, it will come even if you don’t believe me right now – where you’ll turn “surviving” into “thriving.” How do I know? Because it happened to me, too.
This reminds me of a scene in the movie Bridesmaids. Do you remember where Megan meets Annie and is describing her fall off a cruise ship? According to her, she “broke a lot of shit. But I’m not gonna to say I survived. I’m gonna say I thrived.” After seeing this again recently, I thought to myself, “Gee, Megan’s right. We all have a choice during hard times, and we have power over our perspective.”
You see, you can’t really change the situation, itself. You are dealing with a divorce or breakup. It stinks at times but what’s the difference between surviving and thriving?
Surviving is just what the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as ~ to continue to function or prosper despite. Interesting that even Merriam-Webster (whoever they are) put the words function and prosper into the definition as those words mean different things. This, of course, fits nicely into this article because, there again, you can choose to merely function or to prosper despite the situation. So I ask you: Which one sounds better? Surviving is sometimes all you can muster for a day ~ especially if it’s a tough one. Even on those days though, doesn’t thriving sound more fun?
How do you get to the thriving, though? Well, I’ve got a few tips to help you along.
1. Reflect and learn. Even when a relationship ends and you feel like you know what, there’s usually a ton to learn about yourself and relationships if you look for the golden nugget of knowledge that’s available to you. How does looking back help? Well, you can see things that you liked and didn’t like and either recreate them or make a solemn promise to yourself that you’ll love yourself enough to never be in that kind of relationship again.
2. Be kind to you. Yes, this is a recurrent theme in my articles because why? Because IT WORKS. Paying attention to yourself and being ultra gentle to you is a great habit to begin or strengthen during a difficult divorce or breakup. After all, you’re all you’ve got. Since I’m guessing you’ve got a little extra time on your hands because you’re single now, how about doing something nice for you?
3. Kick negativity to the curb. Sure…it’s easy to focus on the so-called “rotten hand” you’ve been dealt. It’s human nature. I get it. But how would it feel to begin focusing on the good instead? Right now, you could write down ten things that you’re grateful for and change your mood instantly. You could call one of your friends and tell her how much her friendship means to you. You could compliment someone and make them feel great about themselves. There’s plenty of ways to take the edge off and put a smile on your face as you go through your day. Why not make the decision to be happier and spread some joy?
So it really comes down to what you want to do with your day. My question is: Are you going to survive or ARE YOU GOING TO THRIVE? If you’re the Hip Chick I think you are, I know you’ll declare your superpowers and THRIVE!!!